At the weekend I attended an extremely inspiring talk on happiness. One part of it that is standing out for me today was a point made that we differ from animals in the way that we have power over our own emotions, that we have some sort of control.
It is a valid view. We are lucky as humans that we have some sort of ability to be in charge of how we feel. But one problem with it is that sometimes emotion has the power to control us. Sadness can be a difficult emotion to keep under your hat and happiness can be slippery and hard to keep a grip on. I liken it with learning to drive in a way. I never have and the longer I leave it the more wary of it I get. I have it in myself in theory to drive a car, but actually facing up to it and doing it is a different kettle of fish.
I have made a step forward on that front this week however (not on the driving front unfortunately, though that is in the works). I am starting to realise that I do have the ability to do happy things, appreciate what I have and that there are other people out there with similar and far worse problems than me who are able to accept things and be positive about their lives. I don't want people to look at me as a glum pessimistic individual. I want to contribute to other peoples happiness which in turn will make me happy and will hopefully encourage other people, being strangers or friends/colleagues to do the same for me. Society would be a better place if we all dedicated some time to each others happiness.
What I learnt from this talk from the weekend is that the term "well-being" isn't good enough. It's not concerned with happiness, it doesn't have to get that far. It means that as long as people are "okay" then no more effort has to be made. Of course we all want people to be okay, it's a damn site better than being shit BUT the problem with being okay is that it can be a steep slope down to being low again. However if we're able to be happy as individuals and together then the gradient down is far less immediate and far easier to climb back up.
I've got a lot of learning to do about myself and the lack of control I've had in regards to my emotion my whole life, not just in recent times. Of course I can be happy, and in a complete non-egocentric way I think I deserve to be. I've just got to grab the happy part from inside me and have fun with it more often. I think that it's important that we can be sad when appropriate, hiding any emotion away when it's there can be a dangerous thing, but it doesn't mean it should be in control and it doesn't mean we should give it all our time. The reason it takes over is that when we've had a taste of happiness, we want more. We don't want it to not be there and when it takes a rest that gives sadness a chance to take the lead. If we work together though and keep passing the happy baton to each other hopefully we'll never run out of energy and then we can beat the gloom to the finish line.
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up" Mark Twain
p.s the talk was by Richard Layard of www.actionforhappiness.org / @actionhappiness and arranged by the School of Life www.theschooloflife.com / @TheSchoolOfLife check them out and follow them. They're good ones.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
Saturday, 22 January 2011
If only everything...
When it comes down to it I'm an idealist. I know what I want the world and life to be like, I am also aware it would be extremely hard to make it a reality. As quoted by Josie Long (who originally said it escapes me at this very moment) the world would be a better place if we were all just a bit kinder to eachother. It'd be nice wouldn't it?
I LOVE William Morris, I love everything he stood for and believed and I love that he wanted the best for the world. I love that he was as worried and disillusioned about the world as I am. He knew what the world should be like but was realistic enough to realise that we have already gone too far to achieve that without complete change.
He said that "Fellowship is life and lack of fellowship is death". We need to be able to work together for the greater good. We don't all have to get along or like eachother, we just need to be able to work as a unit so we all can benefit from the good things in life, be able to enjoy our working lives and detach from them when we're away from it and be able to enjoy and appreciate life outside work.
The trouble with today is that we have too much and we don't know how to enjoy it. We're spoilt and that essentially leads us to finding disappointment in too many things. We concentrate too much on what we don't have as opposed to being grateful for all the good things we do have in life. I know how hard is is to see that sometimes though. Life sometimes doesn't seem fair, in fact a lot of the time it doesn't. William morris knew that and that stopped him being happy too. When we know happiness and equality are possible it becomes even more frustrating that those things aren't everywhere already.
There are too many obstacles and self obsessed people in the world, but so many of us aren't like that. We are individuals yes, with our own needs and wants, but so many of us care about the people next to us whether we know them or not. I truly believe there are more decent than terrible people out there and more of us need to have more faith in each other to think this too. From there we can take a step towards an ideal world and overcome the crap and the sadness that's shoved in our faces everyday.
But until then there's no harm in a bit of dreaming, is there?
I LOVE William Morris, I love everything he stood for and believed and I love that he wanted the best for the world. I love that he was as worried and disillusioned about the world as I am. He knew what the world should be like but was realistic enough to realise that we have already gone too far to achieve that without complete change.
He said that "Fellowship is life and lack of fellowship is death". We need to be able to work together for the greater good. We don't all have to get along or like eachother, we just need to be able to work as a unit so we all can benefit from the good things in life, be able to enjoy our working lives and detach from them when we're away from it and be able to enjoy and appreciate life outside work.
The trouble with today is that we have too much and we don't know how to enjoy it. We're spoilt and that essentially leads us to finding disappointment in too many things. We concentrate too much on what we don't have as opposed to being grateful for all the good things we do have in life. I know how hard is is to see that sometimes though. Life sometimes doesn't seem fair, in fact a lot of the time it doesn't. William morris knew that and that stopped him being happy too. When we know happiness and equality are possible it becomes even more frustrating that those things aren't everywhere already.
There are too many obstacles and self obsessed people in the world, but so many of us aren't like that. We are individuals yes, with our own needs and wants, but so many of us care about the people next to us whether we know them or not. I truly believe there are more decent than terrible people out there and more of us need to have more faith in each other to think this too. From there we can take a step towards an ideal world and overcome the crap and the sadness that's shoved in our faces everyday.
But until then there's no harm in a bit of dreaming, is there?
Friday, 14 January 2011
Me, Myself and Everyone Else
Since I can remember I've never wanted to upset or offend anyone. Even people I can't stand or people who have hurt me. I've always tried to be empathetic and see it from their point of view and how I imagine it would make them feel. I want to be nice to people, well not everybody but those that I don't like I at least don't want to be mean to. Why? If I'm worried about other people I don't have to worry about myself.
Is it really that wrong to think about yourself from time to time and stand up to those who only think about themselves? I need to get more guts. If I actually stood up against other peoples over-selfishness then maybe that'd help them think of others a bit more. It's about balance. A lot of people, such as myself need to think about themselves more. The important thing about thinking about yourself is not to be self-obsessed. Self obsessed people are miserable and bitter. However a little bit of selfishness is essential to being happy, as is being concious and considerate about the people around you.
I'm a nurse and i do love it, but sometimes dedicating every bit of yourself to others can drain so much out of you. It's my job to help others, I need to learn to separate that from the world outside. IT'S A JOB and I have my own life outside that, a place that I'm actually allowed to care for MYSELF. I think this obsession with other peoples happiness and well being is probably subconsciously why I chose to become a nurse. I have learnt from it and following that path is probably why I'm writing this now. It's a profession with as many smiles as there are tears. In a way, because of it I have started to realise that we have to make the most of our lives for ourselves. Thinking about ourselves once in a while can really be of benefit to other people. Our own happiness can help other people be happy.
Writing this down makes it sound so easy to do, but in real life it's bloody hard. I want people to like me, I don't want people to see me in a negative way. In life we tend to remember the downs more than the ups and I don't want to be remembered by someone I don't know as part of their downs. I try so hard to be a positive aspect of other peoples lives that it makes it tough to think positive about myself. If I am a naturally caring and nice person then surely I should believe that and should be able to see the good in myself and not concentrate completely on what other people MIGHT think of me.
Avoiding things sometimes seems like a good thing to do, but in reality it's stupid. I'm starting to realise its ok to think about ME. Its time to kick myself in the arse and understand that I'm the most important thing in my own life, and that caring about other people is something that I want to do and that makes me happy, and not something I HAVE to do to make me "happy".
It's time to concentrate on me, but that doesn't mean I won't have time for other people.
Is it really that wrong to think about yourself from time to time and stand up to those who only think about themselves? I need to get more guts. If I actually stood up against other peoples over-selfishness then maybe that'd help them think of others a bit more. It's about balance. A lot of people, such as myself need to think about themselves more. The important thing about thinking about yourself is not to be self-obsessed. Self obsessed people are miserable and bitter. However a little bit of selfishness is essential to being happy, as is being concious and considerate about the people around you.
I'm a nurse and i do love it, but sometimes dedicating every bit of yourself to others can drain so much out of you. It's my job to help others, I need to learn to separate that from the world outside. IT'S A JOB and I have my own life outside that, a place that I'm actually allowed to care for MYSELF. I think this obsession with other peoples happiness and well being is probably subconsciously why I chose to become a nurse. I have learnt from it and following that path is probably why I'm writing this now. It's a profession with as many smiles as there are tears. In a way, because of it I have started to realise that we have to make the most of our lives for ourselves. Thinking about ourselves once in a while can really be of benefit to other people. Our own happiness can help other people be happy.
Writing this down makes it sound so easy to do, but in real life it's bloody hard. I want people to like me, I don't want people to see me in a negative way. In life we tend to remember the downs more than the ups and I don't want to be remembered by someone I don't know as part of their downs. I try so hard to be a positive aspect of other peoples lives that it makes it tough to think positive about myself. If I am a naturally caring and nice person then surely I should believe that and should be able to see the good in myself and not concentrate completely on what other people MIGHT think of me.
Avoiding things sometimes seems like a good thing to do, but in reality it's stupid. I'm starting to realise its ok to think about ME. Its time to kick myself in the arse and understand that I'm the most important thing in my own life, and that caring about other people is something that I want to do and that makes me happy, and not something I HAVE to do to make me "happy".
It's time to concentrate on me, but that doesn't mean I won't have time for other people.
Thursday, 13 January 2011
Learning How to Scream.
Anger is an emotion I find so difficult to express. Don't get me wrong it's there (much more than I want right now) I just have no idea what to do with it, which scares me to bits.
In the short term music helps, but the problem with that is that someone else is expressing anger for me. That's not my rage, its theirs and that's why listening to music isn't going to solve the frustration boiling up inside me. I might feel I understand what they are saying, but they have no idea what's going on in my head and there again is something I need to address. This is MY anger and not anyone else's and I need to get that into my neatly clippered flat capped skull that it is my responsibility to sort it out.
Ever since I was little I haven't been able to shout out how I felt in fear of upsetting or hurting someone else. One example being that I was once scratched in the face by a little girl in front of her mother. I stood there frozen wanting to swipe back but I was unable to in fear of what might happen and how it will make her feel.
Now I certainly don't ever want to be violent, thats not who I am and it would be something upsettingly serious to bring me to that level, but I need an outlet. I need a voice. I need the confidence to tell myself it's ok to be angry about things.
I'm afraid what I've let stew inside me all my life will boil over and become messy. I don't want or need that and can't let that happen. All I need is a way to show it and to do that I may have to do something I find even more difficult than being angry. BE A BIT MORE SELFISH.
In the short term music helps, but the problem with that is that someone else is expressing anger for me. That's not my rage, its theirs and that's why listening to music isn't going to solve the frustration boiling up inside me. I might feel I understand what they are saying, but they have no idea what's going on in my head and there again is something I need to address. This is MY anger and not anyone else's and I need to get that into my neatly clippered flat capped skull that it is my responsibility to sort it out.
Ever since I was little I haven't been able to shout out how I felt in fear of upsetting or hurting someone else. One example being that I was once scratched in the face by a little girl in front of her mother. I stood there frozen wanting to swipe back but I was unable to in fear of what might happen and how it will make her feel.
Now I certainly don't ever want to be violent, thats not who I am and it would be something upsettingly serious to bring me to that level, but I need an outlet. I need a voice. I need the confidence to tell myself it's ok to be angry about things.
I'm afraid what I've let stew inside me all my life will boil over and become messy. I don't want or need that and can't let that happen. All I need is a way to show it and to do that I may have to do something I find even more difficult than being angry. BE A BIT MORE SELFISH.
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