We get what we give each other.

At the weekend I attended an extremely inspiring talk on happiness. One part of it that is standing out for me today was a point made that we differ from animals in the way that we have power over our own emotions, that we have some sort of control.

It is a valid view. We are lucky as humans that we have some sort of ability to be in charge of how we feel. But one problem with it is that sometimes emotion has the power to control us. Sadness can be a difficult emotion to keep under your hat and happiness can be slippery and hard to keep a grip on. I liken it with learning to drive in a way. I never have and the longer I leave it the more wary of it I get. I have it in myself in theory to drive a car, but actually facing up to it and doing it is a different kettle of fish.

I have made a step forward on that front this week however (not on the driving front unfortunately, though that is in the works). I am starting to realise that I do have the ability to do happy things, appreciate what I have and that there are other people out there with similar and far worse problems than me who are able to accept things and be positive about their lives. I don't want people to look at me as a glum pessimistic individual. I want to contribute to other peoples happiness which in turn will make me happy and will hopefully encourage other people, being strangers or friends/colleagues to do the same for me. Society would be a better place if we all dedicated some time to each others happiness.

What I learnt from this talk from the weekend is that the term "well-being" isn't good enough. It's not concerned with happiness, it doesn't have to get that far. It means that as long as people are "okay" then no more effort has to be made. Of course we all want people to be okay, it's a damn site better than being shit BUT the problem with being okay is that it can be a steep slope down to being low again. However if we're able to be happy as individuals and together then the gradient down is far less immediate and far easier to climb back up.

I've got a lot of learning to do about myself and the lack of control I've had in regards to my emotion my whole life, not just in recent times. Of course I can be happy, and in a complete non-egocentric way I think I deserve to be. I've just got to grab the happy part from inside me and have fun with it more often. I think that it's important that we can be sad when appropriate, hiding any emotion away when it's there can be a dangerous thing, but it doesn't mean it should be in control and it doesn't mean we should give it all our time. The reason it takes over is that when we've had a taste of happiness, we want more. We don't want it to not be there and when it takes a rest that gives sadness a chance to take the lead. If we work together though and  keep passing the happy baton to each other hopefully we'll never run out of energy and then we can beat the gloom to the finish line.

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up" Mark Twain



p.s the talk was by Richard Layard of www.actionforhappiness.org  / @actionhappiness and arranged by the School of Life www.theschooloflife.com / @TheSchoolOfLife check them out and follow them. They're good ones.