I'm back and I'm getting there.

So it's been a long LONG time since I've been in these parts and I thought I'd attempt an update.

There are a few reasons why I haven't ventured to Bionic Vapour land in the past however many months. Partly being completely knackered from having a responsible and grown up ballache of a job, partly laziness and partly because life has changed and I've come along way in the past year and a half. I'm happier and that made writing this blog, that I was using as an outlet for my depression, a lot harder.

I was in a very dark place for a very long time. Years. It took me to hit a massive low to do anything about it. I was ready to accept my depression and face it. I was sick of being depressed and I wanted to be happy. Since my "journey"(for want of a MUCH better word) started it's been a struggle and pretty scary but I've come a long way, in fact I've come a really fucking long way and I'm proud of myself.

I've realised the amount of things that have held me back over the years, me being a big one of those things. Now I'm not going to go into all of that, that's what I've had a therapist for for the past 14 months. On that front though I've come(or am coming) to the end of my therapy, I don't need it any more. As much as my therapy has helped, I'm proud to say that I've never had to rely on it. I've never kidded myself that it makes me more independent or let it make me ignore the real parts of myself and my life that I needed to concentrate on to help me grow and be the real me. I've never used it to hide away and I've never let it take away my independence. I've used it to open up and become stronger and let it support me and now I'm able to stand on my own two feet. That's what therapy is for, and if I dragged it out any longer it'd drain the life out of me.

The biggest thing though that has helped me get through the past how ever long came into my life just over a year ago and I can't express enough how much I've grown since knowing her. Initially a struggle and a nightmare(of which I know she will most definitely agree), I would never have expected(especially at that time) to meet the most incredible, beautiful and by far the most fun person in the whole bloody world. I know if I hadn't met her my life would be very different right now, I wouldn't have come this far and as sad as it is to say I don't know if I'd even still be here. I've never been with someone who truly let me be me, and    
who I felt I was able to be with. I've never been able to be so honest with someone and with myself and never felt that I've been in such an equal situation with someone. We are a team, the ultimate team and I treasure every single second of her time that she's given me and all the other seconds I get to spend with her. She's fucking great.



You may throw up now.