A scrambled egg.

I'm a bit scrambled right now. I can't relax, can't sit still. Typing this is so SO difficult. But I know I need to start writing this for me, even if it makes little sense to anyone else.

I don't know how to handle these situations. It's all very new to me. At my lowest moments I'm not usually the type to panic, I disappear and wallow and can't move. But recently after starting to feel low a switch is flicked and I get into a state of panic. It's an immediate flip into a different mind space. I know some of the triggers and I know that I don't make it easier for myself. But then how can I control these thoughts? I need to learn how to be disciplined and in control of my own thought patterns. I'm human after all and am blessed with the power to do so(to a degree).
I know half the time that the things I start "thinking" in these situations are ridiculous and completely over blow themsleves, but surely the brain reacts this way for a reason? And if I can control my head in other(technically much more stressful) situations then why when it comes to these things I can't at all? What makes one thought different from another and makes the brain react as it does?
I think I should start drawing again. It used to help. I only ever used to be able to draw from a scribble and the draw around what images I see in the mess. I suppose it's a pretty appropriate metaphor really. I need to take the scribbles and the mess inside me. Look at them properly and see what I can make from them, make the most of what's inside. Of course it's not going to solve things, but it may help me deal with these situations when they creep up on me.

Writing helps(though this has taken a LONG time for such a short thing). I'm calmer now. Just don't want the storms to keep catching up with me. Just need a great waterproof and pair of wellies for when the clouds do appear out of nowhere.